whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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