I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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