sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize