You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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