We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
