opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
ttyl tear gas
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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