well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
