well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
