oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
