Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
