dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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