You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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