Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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