Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Randomize
