My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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