Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
