the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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