The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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