OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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