Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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