i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
