If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
