so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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