He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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