She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
