I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
