To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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