When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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