Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
