Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
