Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
