I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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