remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
