Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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