Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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