Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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