Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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