If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
