Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
