pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
