so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
