Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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