I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize