he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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