every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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