i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
