is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
