then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
