Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
