Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
