No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
