Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
