it was like his penis was on wheels.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
