There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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