So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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