What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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