To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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