hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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