i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize