My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
