shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i need some magic done to my vagina
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
