Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
