Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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