Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
