you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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