Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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