He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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