My nipple is on Facebook.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I lost the right to judge tonight
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize