I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
